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She Wolves of the Wasteland – Episode 87

How does it feel to be the last man on Earth?

20 Responses to “She Wolves of the Wasteland – Episode 87”

  • Allison:

    Haha, firsties!

    Yikes, this movie is fascinatingly bad! The presence of the bald alien chick from Star TrekThe Motion Picture is epic…I wonder if her celibacy is on record here too. No, I’m not a Star Trek fan, I saw the review the Nostalgia Critic did of Star Trek two months ago, so unfortunately she has been haunting my dreams since then. Lol, not quite, but it’s a crazy image!

    I love how the ladies were copping a feel on the unconscious Guy – “Oooh, I think it’s broken!” HAHAHAHA!

    Great job, Cecil! Was actually just watching your Suburban Commando review prior to this for the third time…you keep me coming back for more…as long as its not Human Centipede. I will pass on that.

    • Cecil:

      lol I remember when the whole “first” thing was ridiculous. I remember people congratulating others for getting the first post like they won an award.

      Well, Khambatta seemed to be the only female not interested in Guy, so I guess her celibacy carried over. heh

      Thanks! I think you should give the Human Centipede a chance, it’s really not as bad as you think it is. (or maybe it is and I’m just that desensitized)

      • Allison:

        Lol, I had vivid dreams about guns and violence after watching a Stargate Atlantis episode, so I don’t think I will be ok seeing an image of 3 people interconnected in one of the most sickening ways possible. Cecil, I think you are desensitized, which is not a bad thing. My brother watches these kinds of movies (the sick horror films, not the post-apocalyptic films), and he is normal in every other way. I, on the other hand, am the nerdy one. Lol!

        • Cecil:

          Oh, I am totally desensitized! I don’t mind movies because I know they are not real. I was a big chicken when I was younger but I grew out of it after a while. Oh, and I’m kind of normal!

          It’s cool, don’t feel like you ever have to watch something you don’t want to. πŸ™‚

  • Cristiona:

    Wow. She -Wolves. I watched this a few months ago, and it’s another case of the box being far more interesting than the movie itself. This was totally USA Up All Night fare. Such a wonderfully trashy show, especially how the hostess put emphasis on “Up”. Sadly, that kind of thing is pretty rare these days. We in Chicago still have Svengoolie, and WCIU broadcasts him now on a couple cable channels around the country (including a delightful explanation for those darn kids who don’t know about local content), but it’s few and far between. No more Up All Night, no more Monster Vision… just a million and a half reality shows. Seriously, how hard would it be to get the rights to trashy 80s flicks?

    Those are also the most flimsy crosses for crucifixion ever. I wonder how many takes they went through since it looks like if anyone sneezed, they’d break.

    And, my God… Rollerblade Warriors. Speaking of USA Up All Night, yikes! Wasn’t that the one where the religious symbol (or whatever) was a smilie face button? Or am I thinking of a different post-apocalyptic, bimbos-on-rollerblades movie? Could there be more than one? If not, why the hell not?

    • Cecil:

      Yeah the movie doesn’t live up to the box art. So many movies from the 80s weren’t able to do that…although that was back when we had good box art. Now its all floating heads or two people standing back to back in front of a white background.

      I loved USA “UP” all night. I have fond memories of watching terrible movies made even worse because they added in commercials and they were edited. However, Golbert Gottfried and Rhonda Shear in the intermissions made it entertaining. Monster Vision was a large part of my youth and did a fair share of shaping my love of B movies. Thanks Joe-Bob! Like you said, now we get nothing but reality shows and other rubbish. Sad how much airtime is available but the quality of programming is in the toilet. I don’t want to watch a bunch of idiots arguing I want to watch guys in rubber suits beating the hell out of each other!

      If you look the “crosses” are TV antennae, hence whey they were so frail.

      Yep, thats the one. Believe it or not there is about 4 post apocalyptic bimbos on rollerblades movies…and I will be reviewing them all. πŸ™‚

      • Allison:

        I remember seeing Porky’s for the first time on USA Up All Night in the mid-1990s. I was twelve years old (1995), and I thought it was a big deal, lol. Of course, my dad let me watch Animal House with him when I was 10 years old, several years before I saw Porky’s. Not the kind of film you let your daughter watch when she is 10, but he thought it was a bonding experience.

        Speaking of schlock fest film blocks, remember Joe Bob Briggs on TNT? I saw Child’s Play on his film block in the mid-1990s.

        I miss these days!

        • Cristiona:

          Porkys on USA? Wasn’t the whole point of Porkys the boobs? The boobs they wouldn’t show? Reminds me of a joke my brother and I would tell about the network premiere of Eddy Murphy’s Raw. It’d be the opening credits and then the closing credits.

          Frankly, I think seeing Animal House wouldn’t be the worst thing for a 10 year old. Of course, when I saw it, I was largely bored, but it wasn’t really my generation. I think the college-slacker film for my generation is the horribly underrated PCU.

          However, Cecil’s comment about there being 4 post apocalyptic movies featuring starlets in rollerblades both intrigues and horrifies me. As does the fact that I kind of want to see them all.

          • Cecil:

            When I was a lad I remember watching movies like Porky’s and Hardbodies on USA up all night just waiting for the boobs. (I was too young to know they censored it on TV) I couldn’t figure it out. Later it was explained to me and I watched the VHS to much rejoicing. USA up all night was still great though. We only had basic cable, so it was the best stuff I could see until I got older. Funny thing is, I still watched it even when I was old enough to get rent the movies. There was a certain charm the show had.

            They did a commercial for Raw that was essentially that. Eddie Murphy walks on stage and then cut to him saying goodnight. It was pretty funny.

            Animal House is a tad slow by today’s standards but still makes me laugh. I tried to show my wife a while ago and she thought they movie was very tame. Funny how time does that.

            PCU is excellent! I still don’t understand how more folks don’t know about that one. The whole movie from start to finish is funny and incredibly quotable. We’re not gonna protest!

            4 Roller blading post apocalyptic movies indeed: Roller Blade Warriors Taken by Force, Roller Blade, The Roller Blade Seven, and The Return of the Roller Blade Seven. There is also The Legend of the Roller Blade Seven but that is a compilation of scenes from the previous movies. If you want to go a step further you have Rollergator, which is a combination of Roller Blade Warriors and Hell Comes to Frogtown. (no surprise, its from the same director)

        • Cecil:

          My parents wouldn’t let me watch anything of the sort when I was a kid. Thankfully I had an older sister who was easily bribed into letting me watch whatever I wanted.

          Joe Bob’s Monstervision was a staple of my youth! If I was home on Saturday night, I was watching it. If I was over someone’s house…I usually convinced everyone to watch it. We just don’t have that kind of stuff anymore.

  • john:

    I remember a post apocalyptic movie when I was younger on one of the SKY movie channels here in the UK were society was divided between men and women and they were at war with each other due to some sexually transmitted disease (no its wasn’t AIDs) but I don’t know what the name of the film was.

    Not related to the post apocalyptic theme but what do you think of the 1995 movie Mortal Kombat?

    • Cecil:

      Hmmm…possibly America 3000? There’s so many of them.

      I love the original Mortal Kombat! I thought they did almost everything right. The fight between Johnny Cage and Scorpion is fantastic. I just watched it a few months back and it is still a blast. (although this time it was in HD!)

      The sequel was a complete disaster. Everything right they did with the original they did wrong in the sequel. Such a shame, I was so excited to see it and it ended up being asstacular. Even though the original was somewhat cheesy, it still had awesome special effects, a good story, and great fights.

      • Cristiona:

        Oh my God, you are so right. Mortal Kombat: Annihilation is like a primer for everything wrong with modern movies. The hamster balls, the off hand slaughter of Cage, the killing of characters being given in exposition just to add more names, the insane plot, the shoving in of so many unnecessary characters, the entire Jax character arc (and its anti-technology themes), the animality bullshit, the big dumb CGI fight, the fact that the CGI was some of the cheapest crap I’ve ever seen…

        About the only good thing in that trainwreck (aside from the soundtrack) was how they worked in Sonia’s fatality. It was cheesy, but it kind of worked. The rest was just garbage.

        • Cecil:

          I enjoy MKA but only for the laughs. Get together with some good friends and rip the movie to shreds.

          The CGI was horrible and I’ve seen almost every SyFy original movie! Jax was the angry black guy trope overload. They tried so hard to squeeze everyone in the movie, even if all they did was show up and leave. (like “good” Sub-Zero)

          • Allison:

            I say stick with the Mortal Kombat games, they are better!

            I love the “too bad you will die!” line, it is so funny!

          • Cecil:

            Well, to be fair I love the first movie and I really liked the web series. I’m a big fan of the games, I have all of them, even the bad ones like Sub Zero.

      • john:

        I LOVED the Mortal Kombat movie when it came out in the cinema and liked how they incorporated the best parts of MK 1 and 2 into the film like Johnny Cages friendship fatality.
        Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa was great as Shang Tsung.

        I think it gets mixed or bad reviews because every other film based on a video game since then has been pretty bad especially Uwe Bowls films.

        Annihilation is a classic so bad it’s good film with its over the top performances, cheesy bad dialogue and terrible special effects.

        http://youtu.be/fghkBD70wAA

        The final fight scene is one of the most notorious bad SFX in modern movie history.

        http://youtu.be/wjDjkM2RPvA

        • Cecil:

          I saw MK in the theater with my then girlfriend and then the next week I made a bunch of friends go. We had a ball. What a fun movie. It reminded me of the old Kung Fu theater flicks, just with badass SFX.

          As I said above MKA was bad but laughably bad. I was upset at the time but have come around to enjoying the film for being terrible. It is the perfect make fun of flick.

          Bad effects and the now famous “too bad you will die!” line.

          • john:

            I remember being pretty bored watching MKA in the cinema with the constant fight scenes and not really following the story. It wasn’t until people started talking about it on the internet I realised how funny it was.

            I liked the fact they would constantly use flips in the film. Lol!

            http://youtu.be/ycZ1HVnNbdE

          • Cecil:

            Same. I saw it in the theater and hated it but when I saw it on home video I laughed so hard I made others watch it. Terrible Mortal Kombat movie, great comedy.

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