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Tales from the Crypt Recap #12 ”The Thing From The Grave”


Tales from the Crypt: Season 2 – Episode 5
”The Thing From The Grave” (First aired: May 8, 1990)

Plot

An abusive boyfriend kills his girlfriend’s adulterer. That’s it. Hey, if they aren’t going to put in the effort to make a good episode, I’m not going to put in the effort to write out more of the plot.

Thoughts

With this, the streak of good to great episodes comes to an end in a rather painful way. This one was a chore to sit though. It felt like the entire episode was just going through the motions (much like this review might feel, thanks to he episode’s lack of effort to develop a plot), and it had zero in the way of suspense – a far contrast from the previous episodes.

It wasn’t the worst episode yet, though (That one still belongs to “Lover”), as there was one saving grace in the episode: Miguel Ferrer. While he still appears to be just phoning it in, even Miguel phoning it in is a blast to watch. I have to say, I have yet to see him in anything I absolutely loathed (well, his performance at least). He plays a dick better than any other actor out there and plays it very well in this episode, though it is very far from his best performance. None of the other actors really stand out at all. Teri Hatcher looks cute, and that’s it (though I prefer that nerd at the very beginning), and Kyle Secor is okay in his role, but he is given so little to do with his character that you never get a feel for him at all. It’s a shame because I know he can actually act if given the chance.

Miguel Ferrer aside, this is just a painfully boring episode. There is a way to go slow and build up suspense where you are engrossed in everyone involved and are hooked from the start. “Three’s A Crowd” is a great example of an episode that does this right; this episode does it wrong. It moves at a snail’s pace and never picks up any traction. Okay, the photographer likes her, and he asks her out. She visits him, they end up hooking up, and he promises to always protect her. The jealous, abusive boyfriend finds out and kills him (not giving anything away, that’s how the episode starts). It is as bland and as basic as that.

When things finally start to unravel, it’s still poorly executed. It’s not the least bit scary, or funny, or even suspenseful. It was just boring and by the numbers predictable. On a side note, who the hell has a giant picture of themselves in their living room with a giant neon heart around it? That just screams pretentious cunt.

2/10


Cryptkeeper Segment

He see a close-up of a girly magazine cleverly (not really) called “Playdead” and a pan out to see The Cryptkeeper looking…well…let’s just say I think the last thing we all needed is a visual of the Keeper tugging his tumescent (love that word) pud.

Punny Goodness

Looks like you caught The Cryptkeeper checking out of his “Ghoulie” magazines! (Yeah, like the episode, he’s even being lazy about this one.)

Blood and Gore

A few bullet wounds, some chopped off fingers, and a zombie. This one is far from gory, and the zombie is so bland that I would never call it scary.

Obligatory Nudity

Teri Hatcher starts off in a bikini that shows off some side boob. She also ends up in her panties and a nighty at some point, too, but it is far from an arousing situation. We also get a tit shot from a zombie chick on the cover of The Keeper’s magazine, but if you find that arousing, you are likely still staring at two rocks on the ground and getting a stiffy.

Scare Factor

The most terrifying this about this episode is the thought of the Keeper spanking it to his Playdead. Despite being a zombie episode, there really is nothing scary about it. No effort was put into, well, anything here.

Other Interesting Tidbits

Miguel Ferrer is, without question, one of the most underrated men in Hollywood. Living in his cousin’s (George Clooney) shadow, I still say Miguel is a way better actor. He is actually a big comic book fan, and his personal hero is Batman (rock on), so it must have been a thrill for him to do voices for the Superman Cartoon (as Mark Mardon, A.K.A. The Weather Wizard, a Flash villain) and in The Batman (As Sinistro, Green Lantern’s nemesis). He actually started out as a musician, including playing drums for the legendary Keith Moon during his only solo album, Two Sides of the Moon, and having his own band with Bill Mumy called “The Jenerations.”

Teri Hatcher has also made quite a career for herself starring as Lois Lane in The Adventures of Lois and Clark, starring as Susan Delfino in Desperate Housewives, and even playing a Bond girl in Tomorrow Never Dies. Before all of that, she was even a San Francisco 49ers cheerleader in 1984. And yes, they are real…and they are spectacular.

Compared to the other two, Kyle Secor didn’t have as much of a career, but he does have the credit of starring as Detective Tim Bayliss in Homicide: Life on the Street. Aside from that, most of his work has been bit parts in several TV shows, but none of them ever reached the success of Homicide.

Fred Dekker has written a few Tales from the Crypt episodes before this one and was given the chance of directing this episode. Likely due to how poorly this came out, he went back to writing them and never sat in the Crypt director’s chair again. Sadly, he didn’t learn his lesson, as he jumped into another director’s chair in Robocop 3 (though he is hardly to blame for that tragedy). He has proven he can direct, though, with The Monster Squad (a flick that I really need to watch again) and Night of the Creeps (a movie which Cecil reviewed. You should watch it again while you are here).


Last Words

This was a tough one to review due to how boring the episode was. Much like “Lover Come Hack to Me,” there is just nothing going on in this episode. Miguel Ferrer is always fun to watch, but he is completely wasted here. Why couldn’t he have been in a better episode? I mean, it’s not like Crypt has a shortage of dickhead characters; there’s one in just about all the episodes.

Next Writing: “The Sacrifice”

4 Responses to “Tales from the Crypt Recap #12 ”The Thing From The Grave””

  • Keith:

    Here is this weeks episode…not sure why you’d want to watch it as the only good thing is Miguel Ferrer and you can see him in so much better stuff than this dreck…

    http://youtu.be/KvuFMmKz6E0

  • James:

    I recently watched this and, for some reason, thought it was going to be great (Dekker being the director probably had something to do with that). It wasn’t. I really liked the acting, but it was very bland.

    Such a shame. Finally caught up with all your recaps and can’t wait for more!

    • Keith:

      More are coming, thanks for reading. I thought this would be great too since I’m a big fan of Miguel Ferrer, but this was just dull…Of course, if you want to see wasted actors and a dull episode then next one is, believe it or not, worse.

  • Cristiona:

    Monster Squad!

    “Wolfman’s got nards!”

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