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Tales from the Crypt Recap #13 “The Sacrifice”


Tales from the Crypt: Season 2 – Episode 5
“The Sacrifice “(First aired: May 15, 1990)

Plot

An insurance salesman becomes involved in an affair with a wealthy man’s wife Gloria and together they come up with a plan to kill him and live a life together. But things go awry when the murder is caught on film by Gloria’s ex-boyfriend.

Thoughts

How forgetful. I have literally re-written this paragraph about four times trying to come up with the correct words to describe this one. The story has been done a bazillion times and it offers nothing new to the source material. It’s one of those episodes where you will watch it, predict every outcome minutes before it actually happens, then completely forget about it once it is all over.

There are a few positives about it though that keeps it from falling into the complete garbage category. Namely the performances of Don Hood (as the wealthy Texas…um…oil tycoon? I don’t know it’s never explained) and Michael Ironside (as the ex-boyfriend with a serious axe to grind because…um…he was cheated on? Again it’s not explained). These two do stand out and give some decent performances (comparatively speaking) that keep this one afloat. The best part is when one dies; the other pretty much immediately takes his place, so there is no downtime in the good acting. Which is good considering the two leads are completely boring on every level.

Now for the negatives and there are many. There were some cool shots from the director, though there are a few things that bugged me about it. One is quick and that there is an obvious edit during the show (you can’t miss it) that annoyed me. Lazy editing can completely destroy the flow of the story and since the screenwriters were already doing that to begin with, it only made things even more irritating. Also, just because you use a black and white filter doesn’t mean you are being artsy. Why not go all the way hacky and use a blur filter for the flashbacks as well?

My biggest gripe with this episode though has to be the lazy, and plot-hole riddled story. To take this scenario into the real world for a second, there is NO way this plan would’ve worked out even without the pictures. There are so many possible ways this would completely blow up in their face that the only way they wouldn’t get caught would be if the police force was totally inept (then again, this is the LAPD…BAZING!). The outcome is also unbelievable. Basically, people are banking on an impossible scenario to unfold and if even one thing messed up, they would all go to jail. I personally wouldn’t take that risk, but then again, my life isn’t poorly written (just my reviews are 😛 ).

I started a bit on the face about this one, but after typing all of that, I can safely say I did not enjoy this. You can read the plot and likely figure the whole thing out and when you can do that, you know you are making a forgettable mess. Everything you see here you can see in better episodes. Skip it.

2/10

Cryptkeeper Segment

The Cryptkeeper starts out by making a witches brew, which is far more entertaining than the actual story. He ends the episode by hanging himself. Likely a natural reaction from watching this and the previous episode back to back.

Punny Goodness

You know what? I don’t think there is a single pun in this entire episode. I guess Keeper didn’t feel like putting much effort into this one either.

Blood and Gore

Look elsewhere. Despite a couple of deaths, there is no blood to speak of in this episode.

Obligatory Nudity

Two sex scenes and no real money shots. Kim Delany at one point is in a nighty and has a blink and you’ll miss it tit shot, but apart from that everything is perfectly shot so you only see her stomach and back. I should note, I’ve never slept with a woman who while lying in bed makes sure to cover herself up as tightly as possible so I can’t see anything. I must date a lot of whores.

Scare Factor

The only thing scary about this is the fact that the screenwriter still had a career after this (though, not much of one as he died five years later in 1995, makes me feel bad for slamming him so much in this review).

Other interesting tidbits

Kim Delany is one of those actresses that seems like she should’ve been bigger than she was. But apart from her role on NYPD Blue and more recently in Army Wives, she never really broke out as the next big actress just relying on bit parts in different movies here and there. The fact she was arrested for drunk driving just as her career was set to take off might have something to do with that.

But at least she had that. The other lead, Kevin Kilner, has never had a breakout role or even a drunk driving charge (well, not a documented one anyway). Probably would’ve been better for him that being able to say that Home Alone 3 is most well known movie. Perhaps he should’ve stuck with accounting.

I knew I saw Don Hood in something other than this before and after seeing his IMDB file I figured out what it was! He was Becky’s father in Full House! Yeah…he has nothing going for him either.
On the other hand, there is Michael Ironside. He has starred in quite a few big movies in his career, but none better or more famous than his role as Richter in the epic (and in my eyes only) Total Recall. While that is most certainly his most famous role, the man has an extensive list being a voice actor most notable as Sam Fisher in the Splinter Cell series of games and as Darkseid (a role he completely owns) in the Superman and Justice League cartoons. This is not his last Crypt appearance either, so stick around to see him again.

Last Words

Yet another tough one to review, I have a tough time with the boring and forgettable ones. But at least in the case of the other episodes, they all at least felt like Tales From The Crypt. Michael Ironside is of course stellar, but the rest of this episode can eat it. Fortunately, the next episode is going to break the trend of shitty shows, but that’ll have to wait until next week. Until next time.

Next Writing: For Cryin’ Out Loud

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