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GI Joe The Rise of Cobra – Episode 95

Knowing is half the battle.



32 Responses to “GI Joe The Rise of Cobra – Episode 95”

  • Cristiona:

    What is it with these soldiers and facial hair? Duke and Ripcord have (pretty limp) goatees the whole time. I thought military regulations required you to be clean shaven. If nothing else, it could interfere with the seal of a partial-face breathing mask. I know that facial hair is cool and all, but it really kind of breaks immersion. Or at least strains disbelief.

    Hmph. The doctor clearly should have been Dr. Mindbender. Would have been more fun. I can only assume Fraiser was playing Flint, judging by the hat. Also, Brick was a fucking awesome movie.

    It feels like their were a few too many flashbacks, but otherwise it’s something I’d really like to sit down and watch, and I’ve also got high hopes for the sequel.

    • Actually he was Doctor Mindbender in the bunker scene!

    • Cecil:

      Well, if you want to get technical, the outfits in the cartoon were ridiculous. I could overlook the facial hair as oppossed to if they wanted to go exactly like the cartoon and have people in bright fluorescent colors instead of camo.

      Brick is f’ing awesome. What a movie. JGL acted the shit out of that.

      The flashbacks were pretty evenly spaced and they were brief so it didn’t take you out of the movie much.

      As Boorat said, Mindbender was in the bunker with JGL and he kind of took his persona to infiltrate MARS.

      This one was fun but I have a feeling the sequel will blow it out of the water.

  • I like this movie on and all but I think it could’ve been a lot better if they took more time to develop it!
    My problems with it are more or less nitpicks from the comics and most every adaptations of the material that exist. Like I hated the fact they made Baroness a good guy in this film and Cobra Commander’s sister, she wasn’t really in love with Destro, Snake-Eyes wasn’t mute, and he and Scarlet are together not her and Wripcord.
    You see in the comics and most of the cartoons Baroness is the spoiled daughter of an aristocratic Eastern European family that lost their wealth when communism fell and her older brother who she idealized was assassinated when he was trying to buy weapons from Destroy(actually the current one’s father) and she witnessed this and the man she saw standing over her dead brother was Snake-Eyes(You see one of the cewlest parts of the whole GIJOE universe is how a lot of the characters are connected to one another. It’s just one BIG epic soup opera). She was rescued during this military sting by the Destros and that’s actually one of the many reasons why she and him are a couple and actually one of the best comic-book couples out there(even though they’re both basically villains).
    Destro actually isn’t that bad of a villains as in the comics more than most versions of him he has a respect for the JOES and has actually soldout COBRA to them in the past. You see it’s just his family tradition to work for the highest payer or both sides at the same time as long as they get paid. Also, he doesn’t wear his mask because he’s deformed he’s NOT actually at all. He suppose to be a really hansom guy he wears the mask because it too is a family tradition to wear the metal mask when they’re “doing family business” as a BIG fuck-you to the English and French that put the mask on their ancestor.
    And, finally Snake-Eyes in the comics and event he cartoons to a degree doesn’t talk because he can’t not because of some vow of silence! The reason he’s mute is because on one of his 1st missions in the military he was in a helicopter accident that left his face mutilated(that’s why he always wears a mask) and mute from damage to his throat and vocal cords. Which is a reason I also like the fact in the comics he was in a relationship with Scarlet. I just like the idea of a hero character with a face so screwed up he doesn’t even take his mask off when he goes to bed and is unable to even talk has a beautiful girlfriend and I actually think in the current IDW, comics that continue the stories from the original 80s Marvel run, has them as a married couple.
    I still like the movie still! I even own it on DVD, but i just liked the above stuff from the comics and cartoons better and from the looks of the reboot/sequel it looks like they’re trying to rectify these issue to a degree! Cobra Commander seems to be wearing his traditional mirrored mask instead of that goofy gas-mask like thing!
    That is one thing I’ll give the movie was it did kinda make the commander a bit more interesting! As his comic-book origins and his cartoon origins are not that cewl! In the comics he was a washed up used car’s salesmen(I shit you not) that after his older drunken brother was killed in a car wreck that also killed Snake-Eye’s whole family and the reason he went on to meet and live with the hard Master(I told you they’re all connected some how) he(Commander) had like a mental breakdown and some how started a criminal empire he later turned into a full on secret society/terrorist organization that is COBRA! In the 80s cartoon he’s a deformed snake man from a secret society of animal people that live underground that sent him up to the surface to cause trouble in hopes of weakening human resistance so that the animal people could one day take over the surface world again… that was pretty stupid! At least the most modern cartoon had a pretty cewl version of him as an evil Donald Trump style businessman that also lead a secret society/terrorist origination that wanted to take over the world! That one he felt a lot more like a Resident Evil villain!
    My only other problems with the film is I didn’t like the guy they got to play Duke(Duke is like in his mid-30s in most versions of the JOES and here he looks like he’s the same age as me!), but they seem to be fixing that as well because from the looks of the trailers he dies in the new movie pretty early and isn’t in the rest of it so I’m happy! Also, the final HUGE thing I hated was that the nanobots thing was part of everything. I hate when the McGufffin in a movie is literally responsible for everything! From Zartan gaining his shape-shifting powers, to Destro’s helmet, to Cobra Commander’s deformity, to how they control an army of self sacrificing soldiers, to how Doctor Mindbender’s mind controlling powers work, ect. I’m convinced if they could’ve found a way it’d played into Snake-Eye’s and storm-Shadow’s back-story some how!

    Well, after all that i just gotta say I can’t wait for the sequel as it looks like since they’re keeping it semi in cannon with the 1st movie they’re just going to kill off the whole team from the 1st movie except for Snake-Eyes the best character from it that they’re basically getting other characters from the comics to take over their roles in the team! Road Block for Heavy Duty(which I find funny since they’re brothers if I recall right), Joe Collusion(sp?) for Duke as the wiser older field leader, Lady Jade as Scarlet the hot female team member that could possibly kick everyone’s asses except for Snake-Eye’s, and Flint replacing Wripcord/Breaker as the younger cocky male member. The only thing that could make the sequel even better if they revealed that COBRA’s super weapon in this movie is the Weather Dominator from the 80s cartoon! I know it’s not form the last trailer that showed a giant space canon!

    Hey, might I suggest you watch the mini-series thing they did awhile back that Warren Ellis wrote called GIJOE Resolute! It is an awesome animated movie actually! XD

  • Leo:

    Fun fact: like other past episodes of the show (Cool as Ice, The Happening, Catwoman & Spice World), “G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra” was a multiple Razzie nominee in six categories including Worst Picture, with Sienna Miller winning Worst Supporting Actress.

    • Cecil:

      LOL I think I have a theme here. The makers of the Razzie need an overhaul. This is nowhere near something that should be on that list. Also, Sienna Miller for worst actress and not Channing Tatum for worst actor? Were they afraid of him or something? She played the role fine while he was just awful.

      I might have to have some sort of anti-razzie special.

      • john:

        I think most films that have a bad reputation are not nearly as bad as they as they are made out to be with most being enjoyable to watch even if they have a bad script, bad acting,

        I usually watch films because they have a bad reputation to see if they are as bad as everyone makes them out to be.

        As long as they are entertaining to watch and not boring overhyped artist films like Melancholia I would consider them good films.

        Some of the best movies scenes are from β€œbad” films like Bison dollars in Street Fighter.

  • john:

    I did not like The Mummy Returns for the reason I thought I would not like GI Joe because of the overload of CGI in the action scenes that run to long and are quite boring.

    Luckily although being a pretty dumb movie you could follow the action and it was pretty entertaining especially the Paris action segment.

    I mean c’mon an imposter posing as the President of the US that is just ridiculous. πŸ˜‰

    • Cecil:

      I actually liked the Mummy Returns more than the Mummy. I’m weird when it comes to CGI. I like it when they use it for something that couldn’t be done otherwise. Case and point the Mummy. There was no way they could have done a giant face in the sand with practical effects and make it look that cool. I think it often gets used lazily though, when practical would look much better and be cheaper. (it kind of turned into this “catchall” of effects)

      LOL sneaky presidents!

      • john:

        I liked the original Mummy as it had the right amount of CGI for the film to work but with The Mummy Returns as with a lot of modern action films they feel the need to clamour the screen with CGI laden action scenes with so much going on it becomes pretty boring to watch like the Star Wars prequels.

  • I didn’t pay much attention to this movie until my brother saw it and reported it to be “hilariously bad” and that it was “a modern MST3K movie”. So I ran out to watch the movie and was rather disappointed that was only “okay”. Having not grown up with the original cartoon was another disadvantage.

    Watching the trailer for “Retaliation” I was surprised just how emotionally invested I was in the set up and would seriously consider seeing it opening weekend. Also, a note to aspiring film marketers, telling a story in the trailer hooks viewers. A giant “2” against a black background does not!

    • Cecil:

      I went in expecting it to be entertainingly bad considering all the trashings it was getting. I was pleasantly surprised at just how well constructed it was. Sure it wasn’t going to win any awards (well, aside from razzies, apparantly) but for me it was a big, explodey, action movie…which I very much enjoy. It didn’t overstay its welcome and it had just enough plot to make things interesting between fights.

      I think trailers now show way too much. There have been a few that actually show the final frames of the movie! I try to avoid them for the most part but every now and then I have to watch. I usually read up on the movies that sound interesting and if the trailer looks cool I try to shut it off before it shows me too much.

  • Allison:

    You know, I had a feeling this was going to be reviewed, and of course, I still haven’t seen it, despite my intentions to see it. I was actually going to watch it over the weekend, but I decided to have a Bad Movie Saturday Night, and watched the hilariously bad “Rad” instead – the story of a boy, his bike, a dream girl, Adrian Balboa as his screechy mother, and a bicycle race that interferes with standardized test taking. Yikes, it was perfect for a Bad Movie Night!

    I had heard some fairly positive things about this movie. I started watching it one night in late 2010, but it was after 11 pm and even though I was wide awake, I just didn’t know if I could keep my concentration up long enough, plus movies like this tend to keep my mind awake longer at night! I just loved GI Joe as a little girl…yeah you read that right, I was three when my brother and I (twins) started watching this, so it had to be sometime in 1986. We watched both the Marvel-Sunbow and DiC cartoons, and saw the animated film from 1987. We loved GI Joe, we even watched all of the Fensler Films PSA spoofs. I also saw that the 1983 cartoon mini-arc (Sunbow/Marvel version) is on Netflix, but I haven’t watched it yet. Such an incredible theme song too, I only wish the movie could recapture the glory of the cartoon’s theme.

    Cecil, I will definitely be checking this one out! Good work!

    • Cecil:

      I looooooooooooooooooooooooooove Rad. One of the best movie soundtracks too. I’ve been holding out on doing that one because I just know I’m going to gush over how awesome it is.

      I quote the Fensler films dialog almost daily. In Rock Band, my wife and I have a band named “Mr Body Massage Machine Go!”.

      I am so happy Netflix has the DiC series up. I’m thinking of taking some vacation time to relax and pull some major GI Joe marathons. I miss the old cartoon.

      Let me know when you see it. Hope you enjoy. πŸ™‚

      • Allison:

        Cecil, I loved Rad, especially all of the music montages. Seriously, you could set your watch to the next one starting up. And there were some awkward cut-away moments…and Bald Cop. Every closeup of him made him look like a pedofile. I can’t even pick a favorite part, the whole movie was just epic. And the theme song “Break the Ice” was awesome!

        My brother and I kept giggling over the Body Massage one. He kept saying, “Allison, what the hell is this?” it was his first GI Joe parody. Mine was the one with the kid on the ice. Your Rock Band name is awesome…and I love how your wife has a sense of humor too.

        I will definitely let you know when I see it! πŸ™‚

  • Troy:

    Great as always, though I never really did get into G.I. Joe very much.
    Also, I was able to watch this on my apple device; Pretty cool, huh? Maybe you should post a bulletin mentioning this.

    • Cecil:

      Thanks πŸ™‚

      I’ve had a few people tell me this. I guess there was an apple update? We have a couple of ipads here I’ll have to test it out. This is good to know!

  • Leo:

    “G.I. Joe 2” is going to be delayed from its June 29 release to March of next year in order to add 3D!

    • Cecil:

      Ugh. Yes, because this is what the movie needed.

      I swear, do the current lot of producers understand anything? Do they not see the massive decline in 3D ticket sales?

  • mobius322:

    The last 30 seconds of the video when you describe the plot complexity difference between GI Joe and Transformers movies…I have not laughed out loud that hard alone in ages. πŸ™‚ What makes it so funny is exactly what it points out to be dumb about Michael Bay films.

    • Cecil:

      Many thanks! πŸ™‚

      Bay became a parody of himself. His older films were still bigsplosion fests but they had a charm and usually had good stories. Then Transformers happened…and it all went to shit.

      • mobius322:

        No shit right? He used to be a decent (popcorn movie) director. I mean I actually liked and OWN The Island. I’m always at a loss for how to describe what I don’t like about current Michael Bay.

        I mean ultimately I like schlockey action movies especially from the 80s and 90s. Other than the constant annoying comic relief and ability to somehow make action boring I can’t quite adequately explain what I hate about the post-Transformers Bay.

        Anyone have a good way to explain the difference in 80s/90s schlock and current Bay movies?

  • Jr.:

    Good lord, Rachel Nicols is hot. Shes the only reason I’ll ever watch Dumb and Dumberer

  • Timo:

    I didn’t much care for this movie for how silly and over the top it was, but I admit I am prejudiced because I was always into the comics and not the cartoons. The sequel I enjoyed much more. I would love if the next movie had them going into Springfield, realizing what widespread popular support Cobra had in places and give Cobra Commander rhetoric about taking back America to the people from big businesses and oppressive government.

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