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The Wicker Man – Episode 99

Not the bees!

30 Responses to “The Wicker Man – Episode 99”

  • How’d it get burned?! It got burned when the fire touched it. DUH!

    Nicholas Cage is somehow the most laid back and most over the top actor I have ever seen.

  • john:

    I think the screen writer in part was influenced by Silent Hill.

    The opening scene starts of with a car crash then he goes to an isolated location befriended by a cop to find his missing daughter who he believes will be sacrificed to the island god by being burned alive.

    At least what I gather from reviews of Silent Hill as I have never actually played the original PS1 game and I could be talking BS.

    Have you seen the 1999 action movie Stealth Fighter it is a great good bad movie with quite a few relatively well known actors?

    I might upload the whole movie to YouTube if I can find relatively cheap or free video editing software.

    One of the best scenes is Ice T talking ghetto to the US president making terrorist demands.

    • Cecil:

      Kind of but not really. While there are some coincidences, I think it is just that. It follows the original pretty closely, with the exception of the whole matriarchal society.

      Stealth Fighter is hilarious. Someone else turned me on to it a few months back. What a riot, I’ll probably do that at some point. lol

  • Leo:

    Boy did I laugh at most of the unintentional bad lines the film has. The film was another multiple Razzie nominee in five categories including Worst Picture and Worst Screen Couple for Nicolas Cage and his bear suit. It failed to win any though, thanks to some stiff competition between “Basic Instinct 2” and “Little Man”.

    • Cecil:

      I remember the first time the videos started appearing on youtube of Cage in the bear suit. I knew this movie was going to be a gem after seeing that. I can’t believe they didn’t think this was going to be hilarious.

      I tried to watch Basic Instinct 2 and Little Man but ughhhhh. Little Man managed to be even less funny than White Chicks and Basic Instinct 2 was like a cinemax softcore movie only with a very unattractive older lady in it trying to act hot.

  • Iren:

    I never thought to look at this movie from a comedy perspective
    Thank you, this review was very enjoyable to watch! 😀


    Hi, Cecil!

    I have never seen either version of The Wicker Man, but wow, I don’t think I will be seeing THIS version any time soon. Such overacting to be had, specifically by Nicolas Cage. Not since his stark raving lunatic scene in Vampire’s Kiss have I seen such overacting. And that was one scene, this was an entire friggin’ movie. He screams his lines like projection is necessary.

    And yes, Willow looks stoned beyond belief. But one would have to be to get through this film, whether you are watching it, acting in it, or had some type of behind the scenes role. In fact, I felt a contact high coming on just from watching this review.

    Wow, Jason Ritter…I’d try to impregnate him.

    One of my friends and I saw a film from 1988 called Spellbinder, starring a pre-Wings Tim Daly, and a pre-John Travolta Kelly Preston. Preston played a young woman who flees into the arms of the unsuspecting Tim Daly…who has no idea she is a witch. The ending with the sacrifice reminds me of Spellbinder’s climactic winter solstice scene, when Daly is tied up and tortured. It is never mentioned if he died or not, but he was considered “missing” at the end of the film. We can figure that he died. Have you seen this one? I first saw it on You Tube, and later on Netflix. One of my friends and I actually became friends after seeing Spellbinder and watching Daly on Wings.

    In all, excellent review!!!!!!! 🙂

    “The BEEEEES!!!!!”

    • Cecil:

      Cage completely going bonkers makes this oh so awesome. The director was saying how he wasn’t supposed to yell some of his lines but he insisted and got these great over the top performances out of it. I’m glad he did, the movie probably would have just been a bad dull movie instead of the hilarity it turned into.

      Seriously, check the original. It is an amazing movie.

      Jason Ritter was great in Freddy vs Jason. He is one of those good looking guys that I understand why the girls like him. Unlike Ashton Kutcher who looks like someone hit him in the face with a boat oar.

      Spellbinder! I actually have that on the list. I used to have a mad crush on Kelly Preston when I was younger, especially after Mischief and Secret Admirer.


      • You have Spellbinder on your list?! Oh please, bring it on! My friend and I would really enjoy it, we like to call it “watching pr0n,” especially the bath tub scene. That movie is REALLY underrated. Tim Daly’s career was about to take off, it just took a few more years and several bad films (although I did enjoy Love or Money) before Wings.

        I hate Ashton Kutcher. Yeah, I said it. I have never liked him, he makes me nuts. And he’s nothing to look at.

        Cage’s outburst reminds me of the “Oh God, oh man” scene from Tough Guys Don’t Dance. Its the only scene from that movie I have seen, but Ryan O’Neal’s over-the-top letter reading on the beach was the best. I could never figure out why he went to the beach to read his mail. And the content of the letter is so badly misinterpreted by the masses, that we are baffled by his reaction. I heard Norman Mailer refused to remove that scene, despite O’Neal’s protests. Mailer later said he felt it could show O’Neal’s range, though it turned out to be a motive for revenge. Whatever the reason, it was classic.

        You’re welcome…NOT THE BEES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

        • Cecil:

          You got it. Sometime after August.

          Wings was one of the last few sitcoms that was actually funny. I liked Daly, he’s a solid actor that has a bigger resume than people realize.

          Thank you for letting me know there are others out there who dislike Kutcher. I just can’t stand the guy. I’m fine with him in that 70s show because that was before he got big and was supposed to play an idiot. I have to admit I like a few movies he is in (Butterfly Effect, Dude where’s my car?) but I can’t stand him as a person. He bugs me.

          Oh god, that thing was unintentionally hilarious. Oh well, the director has to go with what he feels but sometimes it is wrong. For example, Kevin Smith had Dante die in the original ending of Clerks.

  • Cristiona:

    I have to admit, the original is freaking amazing. Can’t say I expected a musical.

    What’s that “original boogeyman” flick? When you’re showing covers to bad movies, up in the upper right.

    Anyway, great episode, Cecil. Nic Cage is one of those people who’s a blast to watch, even when (or perhaps, especially when) he’s in schlock and in full, over-the-top Nic Cage mode. Sometimes it’s hard to believe that he can be a great subtle actor and a complete lunatic.

    I think the bee thing could have worked if they’d hewed a little closer to the original. Even spinning it as man v woman could have worked. After all, the virgin angle of the original would have been a little hard to accept in the modern age. I haven’t seen this one, but it looks like it’s a matter of wasted potential, as opposed to being outright garbage.

    • Cristiona:

      Er, upper left. Oops.

    • Cecil:

      I know, first time I saw it I was surprised too but it totally works and adds to just how weird things were.

      I love the guy. (Cage) Say what you will about him but he never phones in a performance. There are a few movies of him going full on scene chewing and they wouldn’t have been half as good without him.

      The original boogeyman in this video? I know the original boogeyman often refers to Halloween (Myers) but I’m not sure where that is in this video. I know the movies I showed that were bad were the remakes of Arthur, Psycho, and Hairspray.

      There is a lot they could have done to make the film better. Although most likely it would have ended up just being a bad film instead of the wonderous train wreck it became.

      • Cristiona:

        Okay, rewatching, I guess it was the Troll 2 box/poster. I just don’t think I’ve ever seen the shadowy monster at the top of the stairs image before. It just looked like it was two posters, because of the green lighting.

        As for Cage, he’s just too much fun. It’s part of why I loved Ghost Rider, especially when he went all crazy eyes when he would change. Was just a blast. Still need to see the second one, though. And of course, he was fucking amazing in Drive Angry. It’s too bad that didn’t do better.

        • Cecil:

          Ohhhhh, derp. Yeah, that is the VHS cover for Troll 2. I thought you were talking about the movies at the end of the episode.

          I know people pick on the guy but I love Cage. While some of his movies may not be the best he never fails to entertain. Also, Drive Angry really deserved to do better that flick kicked ass. Everyone involved rocked the thing.

  • cavalier:

    Love this review just for including an obscure He-Man action figure.

    • Cecil:


      I still have a bunch of my old He-Man figures. Actually, I have a Moss Man that sits on top of my PC.

  • I’ve yet top see this movie after hearing how bad it was and also learning how different the setup was to the original. But hear the “Not the Bees!” line is a funny meme ans so is the bear suit.
    I love to think of these movies and stories like this getting a sequel that has a more “happier” ending with the cult of crazies picking the wrong guy as their sacrifice and they either all end up dead or in worse(r) shape then they started! Like a commando trained guy that ends up killing the cult leader and setting the (in this case) bee field (and in the original’s apple fields) on fire and basically destroying their whole society. That would be epic!
    I actually know this as a fact sort of but allergies are rarely passed down from parents to children as I was afraid while I was in the hospital years ago to take Pinasilan when I was sick because my mother is deadly allergic to it and they pretty much told me that allergies aren’t hereditary!

    • Iren:

      I agree that commando as a “victim” would be an awesome take on that story

    • Cecil:

      If they did that, that would have turned the whole thing around and been pretty amazing.

      Interesting, I thought allergies could be passed on. Oh well, learning new things all the time!

    • Shaun:

      I think this would also be an interesting idea, but having a strong supposed victim would destroy the tension and hopelessness that horror movies need to function. If too strong, it will swing solidly from horror to the action genre. He would need to be believably in-danger right up until the end.

      It would be a “Most Dangerous Game” remake with a pagan cult twist, with a Rambo or otherwise JVCD “Hard Target”. Which could be great!
      Horror-Victim-Revenge films do exist. Like the proto-Troma picture “Mothers Day”. “Slaughter High” had a great revenge-from-beyond-the-grave concept that they threw out for a cliche all-just-a-dream thing.

      Even better was the suggestion of a Pyrric victory. I’ve NEVER seen a horror/thriller movie where the antagonist wins, yet is still ultimately defeated from the battle. Just not good for sequels!

      There’s a screenplay just waiting to be written…


    Hey good job as always your one the best out there keep up the good work.

  • Mike:

    I really enjoy your reviews my friend. You have a unique voice that I don’t hear anywhere else. As you brought it up in this clip, a review of Street Fighter would be really interesting from your perspective. Please keep up the quality work; I recommend you to anyone I can.

    • Cecil:

      Thank you! Street Fighter is a ridiculous mess but it is the fun kind of mess. I’ve been meaning to do it for the longest time now.

      Thanks for the support! Plenty more to come. 🙂

  • Jr.:

    Ten internet points for using iron Maiden

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